Today let’s talk about the expectations that people place upon us along with the obligation that they expect us to have to live up to their expectations.
This is a very live topic for me, because I have been uplifted when I fall in line however, I am shunned when I do not fall in line, and it’s not a direct shunning either. This has created a lot of deep-seated trauma within me. I am now in a place in my emotional and spiritual healing where I can say out loud that expectations have been a weapon used against me all of my life. I have tried multiple times to have a mature conversation with all parties involved about this and many other things as well, but it’s hard to discuss with a narcissist their mistakes, and their lack of care and attention to detail. So instead of seeking closure with these people, I have had to continue the healing process without them. Today I can say I no longer care about what their expectations are, it’s either you love me as I am, for who I am and, for who I am becoming, or you can live your life without me.
It has been hard trying to get myself to this place of self-acceptance. Now that I am here I get statements and questions like “you are a hermit, you need to get out more” or “Why do you isolate yourself from everyone?” or “do you think that you are better than everyone else or something?” honestly I love my family and friends however, I am not responsible for the fact that you do not innerstand that I no longer wish to subject myself to the toxic energies that you exude, nor am I willing to sit in a room full of energy vampires that have no problem sucking me dry and giving nothing back.
It is okay that I see our relationship for what it truly is and maneuver accordingly, the fact that you cannot or will not accept that this is where I stand without feeling attacked or feeling the need to defend yourself shows me that you do not nor could you innerstand where I am emotionally, spiritually as well as vibrationally. This means that we are not on the same playing field and that is okay, as I have been doing I will continue to maneuver accordingly with that being said it does matter who you are this standard still stands. Boundaries have been set, cross them at your peril.
On this journey, I have had people tell me that I am emotionally immature and detached because I no longer find it necessary to argue or debate where I stand. I feel that it is not my obligation nor is it my priority to help others innerstand my stance on the matter. I no longer acknowledge the expectations of others. It is not my fault nor is it my problem that you have adopted said expectations, this is something for you to work out
. I’ll give an example
Story Time…
I was having a conversation with some family friends at my parent’s anniversary party, and it was getting deep, uncle Jason commented ” Man it’s getting hard to find a good woman because all the good women are hanging out at the club with their h** friends” My response was ” Wow, really, uncle J I say this with nothing but respect but the fact that you were also out at the club should be dismissed right? oh okay, also what was your purpose for being at the club? he said, “I was hanging out with the guys having a good time after a long work week.” I said “Exactly, why would it be any different for a woman, she is also a hard-working woman, an entrepreneur, her girlfriends are in town for the weekend and she is having a great time with her visiting friends and letting off some steam, the fact that you find her attractive is not her problem, the fact that you are interested also is not her problem, she did not come looking for you. it is you who has the interest, it is not her responsibility to portray herself in a way that pleases you, she is not there for you, and you have expectations that you are putting on someone you don’t even know, doesn’t that sound arrogant and entitled. your expectations are not her problem nor are they her concern. you are the one that needs to check in your entitlement”. End Scene
I had this conversation 3 years ago, this conversation stands out to me vividly because this is what people do constantly to me now. I am here now saying this to you, it is not okay to force your expectations on others, or for others to force their expectations upon you, your/their expectations are your/their/business, and the fact that you/they have them all together is something you/they need to process on personal time. You should not care what others’ expectations are, because they are either going to love you or dislike you, they will accept the boundaries you have set, or dismiss themselves altogether from your realm. Innerstand that you run the show and anyone who cannot play by the rules does not respect you. Decentering other’s expectations of you is self-love and self-care because now you can pay more attention to the expectations you have for yourself because, in all honesty, those are the only ones that matter, in lite of all of that I have made it a point not to have expectations of others because I now innerstand that, that is a form of obligating someone or others to the vision that you have for them or a situation. so walk your walk, and talk your talk, because if you operate from a place of knowing within yourself everyone and their expectations are like a beautiful wispy wind, it just passes you by,
Written By Stacey McCoy